Wednesday, 30 June 2010.

so this is it. I'm leaving NUSH.

I guess that's it, really. It's been up and down for the past two-and-a-half years, and I've come to realise for various reasons that this just isn't the place for me.

I wish it didn't have to work out this way; I'll miss you all so much. I wish I could say I'm moving on with no regrets, but we all know that's not possible--there are so many things I regret, all that I've done and all that I've failed to do, all the people I never met and the opportunities I missed; about all I don't regret is the friends I've made, because you guys are awesome.

=)

but this is life, and life is all about decisions, and moving on, and for all that wasn't so great about the school, I am going to miss it.

And most of all, all of you my friends at NUSH, all of you who've accompanied me this far on my journey, I need to say thank you. Thank you so much.

{ 7:43 pm }

Sunday, 27 June 2010.

it is late, dark, and exceedingly tiring.

how tragic.

enough of apologies, I guess.

and again there is really nothing to write about, really nothing to say.

....I don't feel well.

meh.

life's like this.

one goes out and does less-than-meaningful things and gets bored, and then ends up writing less-than-meaningful, less-than-interesting blog posts.

tonight I feel cynical.

{ 10:43 pm }

Saturday, 26 June 2010.

today, do I even have anything to post about?

seems like I barely have anything left to talk about, so who knows....

Maybe it's a sign that this vacation is getting stifling, or maybe I'm wrong; I have a feeling I stopped really believing in 'signs' a ways back.

Maybe I just don't have much to talk about, and I'm feeling a little empty, at least more so than usual. Maybe I've been stressed and depressed and emo in a different way from the kind which makes me try to spill my thoughts all over cyberspace at a greater rate than usual.

one more degree of separation?

or not.

dichotomy is a word I like to run away from really fast.

and the world, which is a separate question altogether, is really something...I dunno. incomprehensible.

question.

is it ever okay to want to run away?

{ 8:39 pm }

Tuesday, 22 June 2010.

It's not like you don't know what you got yourself into
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naive
Do you know how hard I've tried
To become who you want me to be?

I'm tireded.

MO training today was awful. Too tired to focus. D=
(see, that's what happens when one gets into a holiday sleeping pattern.)

meh.

one might say I don't have the heart to post anything more today. D=

{ 5:09 pm }

Monday, 21 June 2010.

today I am going to talk about the book I read, because it has been making me emo.

actually I am just going to complain, because it was so funny and awesome and all that, and then right before it ended, my favourite character died. diededed. D=

he got killed in a planecrash just when I thought he was certain to get away safely and live happily ever after with the narrator. gah.

seems so trivial when I write it down, and I expect writing things down puts them in perspective rather more than otherwise, but if it's eleven at night and you've spent three hours invested in these characters' worlds until they're real-er than the rest of the world rooting for them to get together and stay safe, and then boom.

I am very disappointed in the author.

today I seem trivial.

it's a good sign, I guess, that I've got nothing really concrete to worry about. only the death of a brilliant brilliant character. I can't even recommend the book to Ri-chan now, because it has yaoi-esque content and I generally recommend things with yaoi-esque content to her, but not if the most relatable character in whom one gets emotionally invested randomly dies in a plane crash, which is a pity because up until then it was a good book.

see, still trivial.

but this is as emo as I can afford to get when I have to wake up in the morning for math olympiad training and it's half-past-eleven, I suppose. gah.

{ 9:02 pm }

Tuesday, 15 June 2010.

Hi.

I'm in Hong Kong.

It is currently both epically awesome and epically awful.

Epically awesome is the place, because I get to see all these old things and random things I remember; it's like external validation of memory, or something. Reassuring.

Epically awful is the flat, because it's mildewy and smells funny and we're sort of sardine-packed into the bedroom.

Meanwhile, I am consuming junk food in ridiculous degrees (and, I might add, buying it at a rate greater than my consumption of it.)

I want to say something meaningful here, I think, but it's too early to pass judgement on the place, and too late to muster any coherence of thought.

Ciao.

{ 10:52 pm }

Saturday, 12 June 2010.

life is screwed.

I think that's all that needs to be said.

without falling apart.

(I still need to ask for forgiveness.)

{ 11:39 pm }

I'm leaving on Monday.

Yay Monday.

Meanwhile, I have important things to ponder, like the future of the universe.

And dreaded dichotomies of doom.

('dichotomy' isn't Latin. It's English. Or maybe it's both. I don't know much about etymology.)

And generally annoying things that one must ponder (or diee!)

I should finish Mastering Physics.

Yes, I should.

Gah.

{ 12:16 pm }

Wednesday, 9 June 2010.

It's been a while since I last posted, hasn't it?

I went to Bugis with Ri-chan, and in the interest of looking around, ended up entering a complete fire trap across the road from Bugis Junction proper. Also we went to the library. Which is awesomely awesome and scarily tall and I have honestly no idea whatsoever what they do with all. that. space.

My sister's birthday is coming up soon.

Also I'm leaving for Hong Kong on Monday. =DDDDD

Apart from that, the weird white thing I have to plug into my computer to get Internet has been bent 10 degrees upwards from its USB plug thingy by my other sister when she was threatening my life yesterday, but oddly enough it still works fine. I don't dare bend it back in case it decides to finally give up the ghost.

{ 11:46 pm }

Saturday, 5 June 2010.

it seems our lives all have their own personal black holes.

black holes that we try not to think about, and certainly try not to talk about,

but just keep killing us anyway.

meanwhile my universe is teetering over the brink of a precipice.

this wasn't what I wanted

it wasn't what I envisioned

but I don't really know what I want at all.

my life might just shatter completely.

and you're right, you're absolutely right, and it makes my head hurt just to think about it.

gah.

Since when are the Sunday comics allowed to say 'bugger'?

o.o

{ 5:19 pm }

Friday, 4 June 2010.

today there was sjcho.

apart from that, I have no deep and no groundbreaking insights. just a profound sense of ambivalence, if you will.

and above all the feeling that I've been driving blindfolded all along, and somewhere, somehow, I took a horribly wrong turn.

'sjcho' looks like 'sicko' if you're not paying much attention....

and I read My Immortal, otherwise referred to as one of the most horrendous and hilariously awful Harry Potter fics ever to exist.

I have no words.

Allow me to mention that Sirius is at one point referred to as 'Sodomize'.

but while I'm not wasting my time quite so egregiously, I've been on Facebook, I've been reading comics, I've been sleeping, although not really in that order.

and I may complain, but the fact is that the very possibility of the days all merging and melding into each other and time becoming relative and idiots like me accidentally missing the SMO because we didn't know when the hell it was is in itself completely impossible on a regular basis, and I must say I rather enjoy it. I mean, waking up whenever one wants, sleeping whenever one can't keep one's eyes open any longer, sleeping whenever one feels bored, sleeping whenever one has nothing better to do....yeah. It's kind of awesome.

Although summer holidays must be the insomniac's nightmare.

{ 6:18 pm }

Tuesday, 1 June 2010.

today I am not antisocial.

yay.

today it is noon and I have to do literature and physics and mugmugmugmugmug for sjcho because the last thing I want to be is the weak link who pulls the whole team down.

mehhh.

what happened to holidays?

I should look for my computer stylus.

apart from that there's really not much to write about, because I just got up and so on and so forth and aren't irresponsible sleeping habits lovely I should really try to adjust back by Friday for the chem olympiad.

gah.

today my painfully eternal track MC is over.

guess this means I get to go to the track camp.

{ 12:14 pm }