Sunday, 21 February 2010.

These waves of envy are my deadly sin
lashing out in tormented green tempests
beating away at you with abandon, so wildly
because that which I burnt in effigy
has taken form once more


=D

I'm jealous, above all, of my eleven-year-old self.
She had it all, really.
Everything I'd want now, she had it in her life, and by that point she knew exactly how lucky she was, but she didn't appreciate it.
and that's why I hate her and envy her so bitterly,
because she lived the life of my dreams
and left me with nothing but a few memories.
so when I find someone who reminds me so much of who I was,
and the person I lost over those painful five months or so,
whom I still hate for having it all and for leaving me,
can you blame me for caring so much
and still hating and resenting you?

Of course you can blame me.
=D
I'm quite used to blaming myself right now too.
Of course I know you're really nothing like me;
and my polar opposite in ways,
but it's in the corners and the edges of you
that I find the twisted echoed shadow
of what who I was might be today
if she hadn't died and left her corpse for me to live as.
Even when I feel superior to you I resent you.
Even my pride can't wash out my envy.
So yay, let's all dye ourself in sin after sin
fabric that was never white now stained through with green
and what's the colour to represent pride anyway?

The rainbow is for gay pride, which I'm really not thinking about right now...but hey, it's worth using as an idea.
Purple, then?
=)
What am I, Barney the dinosaur?
It's actually quite fitting.
Envious, prideful, and extremely childish.
Yay me.

{ 4:21 pm }