Thursday, 6 May 2010.

I have been studying.

One tends to study when there's an exam the next day.

Especially since my chemistry this year has dropped a full letter grade so far.

But one is always reachable.

And sometimes when you least expect it the world just decides to punch you in the face and leave you reeling.

Like now.

I'm not part of your life anymore.

You didn't tell me about any of this.

Heck, I didn't even ask, I haven't even talked to you for so long, with exams and shit.

I'm sorry about it.

Does it even make a difference to you? I hope it does. I've missed you.

And I know I should be happy for you now.

But you didn't tell me, you know?

I don't know if I'm expecting too much from you or what, because always I've been the one deciding that WE SHALL MEET UP NOW and I SHALL CALL YOU NOW and when I don't, you know, we just don't.

But I found out from someone else.

And it shouldn't make a difference, none of it should, and the last thing I want to do is to make you emo from reading an entire page dedicated to how you made me emo, so I need to clarify that this isn't even that.

(do you read this blog anymore?)

I just feel stunned, and displaced from the position I thought I had, the importance I thought I had to you, and jealous of someone almost totally unrelated, of all people, because you're closer to her than me now, aren't you.

None of this is going to sound good, or read well, or look pretty enough to justify dedicating a post to you, because you deserve better, just like you deserve a best friend who talks to you more than once every few weeks, and I just have a hard time accepting it, but I need to type it out somewhere, and I need to apologise to you for everything I did that contributed to this.

You're really epically awesome.

I hope it still makes a difference to you that I think that.

{ 1:52 pm }